Last week I mentioned in this post that on the heels of a preponderance of news about marital infidelity I would be posting some of the boundaries Tabitha and I share as a means of guarding our marriage. These are not exhaustive by any means but should serve as an example of some of the steps we take to protect our marriage.
Sexual sin, and particularly adultery, have derailed some pretty incredible ministries. I do not believe for a moment that the vast majority of those involved would have consciously chosen their actions over avoiding the consequences in all of the lives that were ultimately impacted. So why did they fail?
I am a simple man – just a fallible and sinful as the next guy. I believe Sun Tzu (The Art of War) wrote that one of the biggest mistakes in war is underestimating your enemy. Our enemy “the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).
This holds true for all believer, but I believe leaders are particularly prone to attack.
Guard yourselves.
Set boundaries.
Here are mine:
#1 – Honor our date night. – One of the fastest ways for a marriage to fall out of synchronization is neglect. We have found that the most rewarding times for us as a couple are the most difficult times to fit it in the schedule (or the budget). Date nights are for courting. I want my wife to feel as pursued today as she did when we were dating.
#2 – Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. – This may seem extreme to some, but this is probably the most practical boundary we share. You avoid a host of potentially inappropriate situations when you eliminate even the innocuous ones. This includes counseling sessions as well. You can always include a third party in the discussion.
#3 – Never travel alone. – This may not be practical for everyone. I used to travel alone a lot in my business travels. The mind is a favorite target of the devil. I am susceptible to loneliness and depression when I am alone. A few years ago, Tabitha and I decided that this was a wise boundary to establish for us. I will not take trips where I will spend extended periods of time in isolation.
#4 – Be overly cautious with personal assistants. Spouse has final word. – Many if not most affairs occur with people who work closely together. I am more concerned with my wife being comfortable with a professional relationship than potentially offending someone else. She has the final say in those situations.
#5 – Practice and maintain a healthy biblical sex life. – Sex is not a weapon to be used as punishment or currency to persuade. Biblically speaking, it is a gift intended to be used within the confines of marriage to compliment the intimacy that exists in other areas. If you can’t be intimate about personal feelings, you probably can’t maintain healthy sexual intimacy in the relationship.
#6 – Practice “safe” personal touch. – This is a tricky one for me…mainly because I’m a hugger. I have grown more sensitive to this in recent years. Side hugs and appropriate handshakes can help avoid unintentionally sending a wrong signal.
I hope you have your own boundaries. I would love to hear your thoughts on these, or for you to share your own “personal” boundaries.
I have not met a couple more amazing than you and Tabitha: so beautiful and inlove. You have truly set an example for me. These boundaries are good and I have also adopted them for some time now. Number 6 is actually an old one for me
).
Also:
- I carefully select the words I use in a conversation with a person of the opposite sex.
- I make very clear for my new female friends that I have a good, solid relationship. You would be amazed of how much damage a simple friend can make. And I`m not reffering to women that go after your man, but to women that want to show you what you`re “missing out”…