Shaky Beginnings

This is Topher in a hospital bed at MUSC as he recovers from open heart surgery. This was our life in 2001. We spent a good portion of Topher’s first year in hospitals. Many of the people we met during those early months did not offer an encouraging prognosis. We were told (by others Down’s parents and some medical professionals) to expect this as the normal routine.

Now to be fair, we’ve had our share of scares…from pneumonia to staff infection to several choking episodes. His 1st grade teacher actually saved his life by performing the Heimlich when his airway was completely blocked by a Chick-fil-a biscuit (thank you Casey!)

For the first couple of years, we experienced a ton of medical concerns we haven’t had to walk through with our other 2 children.

When you’re a new parent, you really don’t know what the future will hold for your child. This is true for any child – and especially true when there is a disability with wide-ranging level of severity involved.

Thankful Hearts

The first year was really the only ‘abnormal’ year we encountered with Topher. Seriously.

By God’s grace, he is tremendously healthy! On top of that, he functions at a very high level for kids with his particular disability. We have met a multitude of families that face much greater challenges than we do with our son. And for that we are immeasurably grateful to God.

People laugh (or look at us strangely) when we say this: there are literally days that go by that we never even consider the fact that Topher has a disability. Seriously! We ‘know’ he does, but it just isn’t the ‘thing’ we think of when we look at him.

Only God Knows the Future

We don’t know what we’re facing in the future with Topher. Will he graduate high school on his own? Will he go on to college? Will he be able to perform adequately at a job? Is he going to be able to live on his own?

We see potential in him that he has yet to meet. He has so much more room to grow. Who knows what the picture will look like when he fully spreads his wings?

When we look at him today, it certainly looks like he has the potential and capacity to do even greater things than we could ever imagine! We know that God certainly can! Eph 3:20 says that God is ‘able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think‘! That’s a lot!

Whatever Topher may go on to achieve, we only want him to reach his fullest potential in Christ.

Can any of us hope for more than that?

What is special anyway?

We have three children. They’re all special. We have an analytical personality, a strong willed child, and a child who needs more affirmation than others. They are creative, sassy, colorful, and very headstrong. Those are just our girls!

The point is, every child is unique. Every life is precious and special in that they were created by God for His purpose.

Just like Topher.

People balk when they hear Tabitha and I say this, but it’s true. We have, at times, had to remind ourselves that Topher has Down syndrome.

It’s not that he isn’t developmentally delayed. He is.

It’s not that we are in denial. We’re not.

And it’s not like we aren’t facing the challenge head on. We are.

It’s that we don’t treat or view him any differently than we do our other 2 children. He’s not ‘our son with Down syndrome‘ – he’s just…”Our Son“!

We motivate, teach, and discipline him like we do our other kids – in the way they learn and receive correction best.

The Unparalleled Beauty of Unique

We don’t think of Topher as special. We see him as unique. One of a kind. No other like him.

Each life is created by God and for God. I believe John Piper said ‘God is most satisfied in us when we are most satisfied in Him’ (or something like that). We do our best to teach our kids that their intrinsic value is not based on ability or talent. They possess the Imago Dei – they are the image bearers of God.

Not only are they created in the image of God, but He has a specific plan for each one of them…a plan already prepared that He has specifically equipped them to pursue.

‘For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.‘ – Eph 2:10

When we embrace that truth, and release it through responding to the gospel, we find that we are all unique. We do our best to lead all of our children to pursue and fulfill that calling, based on their unique identity in Christ – not in an ability or a disability.

Topher is no exception.

Ok…so maybe he steals his sisters’ hearts…

But can you blame them?

Not a Special Club

The first thing Tabitha and I began to notice as we began our lives with Topher was this very interesting sub-culture that exists for children with any kind of disability. There are support groups, play groups, focus groups, groups for dads, groups for moms, groups for people with multiple disabilities, and so on…and so on. Basically, if you can think up a name for a special needs support group – there probably is one.

Now don’t get me wrong, we needed someone to help educate us about Down’s and walk us through the process of acclimation for therapies and early intervention and that kind of stuff.

What we didn’t need was to immerse ourselves in this sub-culture where people seemed to find their identity in their child’s disability.

Eat the Fish, Spit Out the Bones

We determined to apply the principle of ‘eat the fish, spit out the bones‘. Essentially, we took the good and learned all we could, but refused to become ‘The family with the Down syndrome child‘.

We didn’t want to be a part of a clique. We weren’t looking to make a bunch of new friends we only had a ‘special’ child in common with.

Listen, I’m supremely proud of who my child is and I want him to achieve his full potential in life. We just never wanted him to grow up in a vacuum – some sort of Down syndrome bubble – devoid of the social structure and interaction he will need to learn to navigate if he was ever going to live independently.

We have also made some amazing connections with some wonderful people who happen to share some of our story. But these relationships are the fruit of simply doing life and not because of some choreographed group exercise.

Some of the people we met did not know life outside of their diagnosis.

Their disability defined them.

Topher’s True Identity

Topher’s true identity is not found in his disability.

And to be fair, it is a very real disability. Nothing has demonstrated this more clearly than watching his 17 month younger sister catch up and then blow by him developmentally.

Topher finds his identity the only place any of us truly can.

In Jesus Christ.

The Bible tells us “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” (Jer 1:5) and “you formed my inner parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14).

Topher is exactly who God designed him to be – quite literally down to the very last chromosome. I mean at the genetic level!

He is God’s masterpiece (Eph 2:10). And guess what?

You are too.

Topher has everything he needs to become ALL that God has purposed for him to be and do.

I have already said, I want Topher to achieve his full potential in life – and I do! The only way that doesn’t get perverted is by equipping him to pursue God’s plan in life and seeking to find his identity in Jesus and not his disability.

We would all do well to practice some of this. We teach our children ‘you can be anything you want to be‘ – and that’s simply not true. But you can be everything God designed you to be…

…and that’s SO much better!

I’d like you to meet the Lewis family. There is me, Tabitha, Marybeth (15), Topher (10), and Gracie (9).

We are a normal family.

Well…

Sort of…

As normal as any family of 5 I suppose.

The Birth

Our story goes like this. We were a family of 3 when Topher came along. Topher’s older sister (Marybeth) was 4 when he was born. Tabitha and I wanted to have kids closer together, but we were coming off of 2 miscarriages.

Tab’s pregnancy was very normal and otherwise uneventful. None of our tests showed any abnormalities. Topher’s femur measured a little shorter than normal, but hey, it’s not like his Dad has been dunking any basketballs lately! We, like most parents, were expecting a happy, healthy baby.

When the day arrived, we went to the hospital and started our pre-game routine for all Lewis baby deliveries: the whole family gathering, Tab on a Pitocin drip, me downing an entire Pepperoni Lover’s Pizza from Pizza Hut. I feel for women who struggle with labor. My wife has never gone through a “hard” labor (easy for me to say, right?) She was made for birthing babies. 3 children and she has pushed a total of 9 or 10 times – total! We breezed through the delivery.

He was here!

1st night, no issues.

2nd  day, no issues.

We would have gone home on day 2, but we were allowed to stay an extra day because Topher was having a little difficulty breast feeding and the lactation specialist couldn’t make it by the room. That would turn out to be a very good thing!

During the 2nd night after he was born, Topher entered into heavy breathing distress in our room and his 02 saturation dropped dangerously low. The nurses at first brought him oxygen, then ultimately took him to the nurses station to keep a closer eye on him. It seemed like time stopped.

Our Diagnosis

The next morning, red eyed and weary, my wife and I waited nervously for Topher’s pediatrician to make his way to us. When he proceeded to tell us that some of the hospital staff (though he did not agree) had noticed some subtle features of Down syndrome, my wife and I just stared blankly. We then informed him that our son was not the Down syndrome child, but the one with the breathing difficulty.

That’s when he told us about Topher’s heart condition.

I don’t remember many of the details over the next few days. I do remember that because of the questionable and half hearted way his doctor approached the diagnosis, we were dealing with a situation where we thought there was a 60% chance our son did not have Down’s. We were in some kind of limbo with our son in the NICU for a week.

That is, until we met with his cardiologist. Dr. Ben Horne was going over the details of Topher’s heart defect and made some kind of comment about kids with Down’s. I was quick to point out that we didn’t know for sure that was his diagnosis – we were waiting on his genetic testing to come back. Dr. Horne looked me squarely in the eyes, put his hand on my shoulder, and said ‘Your son has Down syndrome. You need to accept that so we can focus on his heart condition.’

Bam!

There it was. Like a hand grenade dropped in my soul!

Different Struggles

My wife and I had very different struggles in those early days. She had a harder time with his heart condition but accepted his genetic diagnosis almost immediately. I was less concerned about his heart because they knew how to fix that and even said if you had to pick a heart defect, this would be the one you would want to have.

But I was devastated about his Down’s.

I am embarrassed and angered by some of the thoughts I had during that time…but I had them. I mourned the death of an idea I had – a dream for what my son would grow up to be and do.

On top of that, I knew absolutely nothing about Down’s. The total sum of my knowledge on the subject wouldn’t have filled a thimble.

Man, were we in for some surprises!

Heart Surgery

At 4 month old, Topher had a procedure at MUSC to repair an atrial ventricular canal defect in his heart. Instead of 4 separate chambers in his heart, he essentially had one. This caused fluid to back up in his lungs and cause congestive heart failure.

In the months leading up to this, we spent another 30 days in the hospital when Topher contracted pneumonia. OK, that was pretty scary – heart and lung issue complicated by an illness that attacks the lungs?? The nurses and hospital staff were AMAZING during this time! We actually moved into the hospital into one of the NICU hotel rooms they have in limited supply. What a blessing!

When we went down to Charleston for the heart surgery, we were told to prepare for 4-6 weeks. This was the first time we caught a glimpse of what life with Topher was going to be like.

The entire round trip, surgery, and recovery – driveway to driveway – took 6 days! The top pediatric cardiologist in the nation at the time said he had never seen a recovery like that!

As surgeons and physicians were performing heart surgery on my son, the Great Physician was doing some work of His own in our hearts.

The Classroom of the Divine

There is really nothing that can prepare you to see your 16 week old child with tubes protruding everywhere, breathing on a respirator, bloated from surgical anesthesia.

What I know is this. Just as Topher learned the comfort of his Daddy’s grip in the recovery room, I was learning to trust and cling tightly to my heavenly Dad.

You see, Tabitha and I have learned many, many things over the course of our journey with Topher – our whole family has!

What’s our greatest takeaway? It would have to be that God meant it in His word when He said that ALL THINGS (good things, bad things, in-between things, things we don’t understand) work together FOR GOOD (the best possible outcome for His glory and our ultimate benefit) for His children (Romans 8:28).

Even when we can’t see what He’s doing. In the times we don’t know how it will end up. Especially when it seems like chaos is winning. He’s still in control! We need only look to the cross to know that God reigns even when it seems like darkness abounds.

Some of the deepest, purest theology is contained in the words of the little children’s prayer many of us recited when we were young: God is great. God is good. (Borrowed from a book titled Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick).

He is great. All-powerful. All-knowing. Sovereign. Reigning. At all times. In all places. In every situation. There is no time ever that what is taking place is not under His purview and oversight.

He is so good. Holy. Righteous. Loving. Compassionate. Just. Perfectly complete in all of these attributes. Not defined by my definition of these words but defining Himself the meaning of perfect love and righteousness.

This is true for me. This is true for my family. This is true for you.

I hope this brings you some comfort in whatever situation you are facing today. If you belong to Him, all things are ultimately working together for good.

If you don’t belong to Him, perhaps today is the day to surrender your life, receive His grace, and become a fully committed follower of Jesus Christ.

Our Journey

I have been a father to Christopher (Topher) Michael Lewis for over 10 years. December 9, 2000 we had a beautiful baby boy. December 11, 2000 we learned that Topher had a heart condition that was only found in Down syndrome children.

Our lives were forever changed.

Recently, I ran across a new blog from Rick and Abbie Smith who are walking through some of the same things we did over a decade ago. Noah’s Dad dot com has been a huge inspiration to many people and as I read their story of Noah’s birth (it’s worth you time, but grab some Kleenex), it forced me to ask a question.

Why have I had so little to say about our journey with Topher?

I did a search on my blog and you can see that in 4 years of blogging there are only 2 posts that say anything about Down syndrome. One for Topher’s 7th and 8th birthdays respectively.

What’s up with that?

Support Systems

First, let me say that I am a huge fan of sites like Noah’s dad that offer insight into the experience. I wish there was that kind of availability when Tabitha and I were beginning our journey. For one thing, blogging was not a word in 2000. It would have resulted in one of those red, squiggly underlines from your spell check.

Secondly, every single situation, every child, and each disability is unique. No two are the same.

There is no such thing as normal. What is normal for us may be highly unusual for another family.

That’s why these kinds of sites and support systems are desperately needed. When we left the hospital with Topher, we left with the hospital with far more questions than answers and, quite frankly, the standard line people recited, ‘God only gives special kids to special people‘ was wearing thin by day 2! (I almost punched a well meaning deacon’s wife in the throat. If you’re reading this…I’m sorry.)

Thankfully, we did talk to A LOT to people who could relate and that was remarkably helpful. Even more so if we had been able to gain online access to share stories with other families.

Our Outlook

I have a son with Down syndrome. Even so, there are days that go by that the fact of Topher’s diagnosis NEVER crosses my mind. Seriously!

So, in one sense, I am not surprised that I have had little to say about our journey with Down syndrome.

But, we have an experience and a platform to share what God has shown, taught, and done through our walk with Topher. To keep it to ourselves would be selfish in some sense. Many of the people in our lives never get to see the beautiful, tiny ways God demonstrates his nature through our miracle son. So, Tabitha and I are going to begin to share more, to write more about this topic.

Why so little?

On the other hand, I think a lot can be learned from some of the reasons we probably haven’t written more before now. As I have wrestled with the question of why we haven’t had more to say, I have boiled it down to a few thoughts.

Here are some reasons we haven’t been more vocal about Down syndrome or our journey:

1) Our lives have not been defined by Down syndrome

2) We don’t treat Topher differently

3) We are blessed with a high functioning child

4) Early intervention works

I will be writing a follow up post on each of these areas over the next couple of weeks. If you are a family walking through this journey I hope they are helpful to you. If you know someone that is experiencing the unfolding of this kind of news, I hope it will give you some insight.

Above all, I hope we can see the glory of God revealed in the most surprising ways. I hope we can learn together that God really doesn’t make mistakes. I hope we can see that even when things seem dark and answers distant, the God of this universe is holding you in the palm of His hands. I hope it stirs your soul to know that Jesus knows what it is to walk where you are walking.

The verdict is in. God is good.

Even when we can’t see how.

He’s still good.

My nephew had been over and he had this really, really, really cool Lego model of an X-Wing fighter from Star Wars.

I made a big deal out of it with my nephew, and Gracie couldn’t wait to show me what she could do with the toys she got from her Zaxby’s kids meal. She didn’t have the same tools to work with as my nephew, so she couldn’t duplicate his creation.

What she ended up with was several objects randomly clipped together (that were originally intended to build a bicycle) in an effort to form this spaceship with lasers that would shoot in every direction at the same time, with sensors to pick up any enemy ships approaching.

It was AWESOME! As her dad, I was proud of her effort. As an intergalactic spacecraft inspector…well…it left a little to be desired.

I was so proud of her efforts and made a big show of it. She beamed…and then…I showed her how to use the materials she had to build what they were intended to be. She was able to make a bicycle AND a person to ride it. They looked natural and all the pieces fit together – like they were meant to. She lit up when she saw the pieces fit together as they were designed to do.

That’s when it hit me.

God brought this verse to my mind from Eph 2:10 “For we are his workmanship (masterpiece in NLT), created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.“

We spend so much time as believers, trying to build or create our own masterpieces, all the while overlooking the fact that we are already his masterpiece! We waste resources and gifts in an effort to duplicate someone else’s work or mimic an individual we admire, rather than realizing God has declared YOU his handiwork (NIV).

Is he finished yet? I hope not. But if we are his, then we are his to build.

He planned you and what you would become beforehand and just like my daughter learned, when we try to be something other than we were designed to be, we end up looking awkward and out of place.

As our Father, God may smile at our efforts, but I’m certain the desire of his heart is that we embrace who he created us to be – and walk in that!

Who has God created you to be?

“Don’t criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” - That’s the anonymous quote many of us have heard pretty much all of our lives.

A couple of weeks ago, my oldest daughter made an observation about me before she had an opportunity to consider the weight of her statement. In a moment of heated debate, she chose to describe me in a terribly unflattering manner. She called me “LAZY“!!!

Now, truth be told, we probably all have our special moments of laziness…that downtime when nothing “has” to be done and no one is “dominating” our time. These are the times when we steal away to that quiet place and relax without any intention of doing ANYTHING for the rest of the evening.

It was during one of these times that my daughter happened to stumble into the room and within 12 seconds, determine that I was “LAZY“.

Needless to say, I struggled with this a little!

Now…I love my little girl and want only the best for her. In almost every case, I give her the benefit of the doubt.

However, this was clearly a case where she needed a little “education“!

So……

………Tomorrow, Greenville County Schools are out – but guess who’s coming to work with Dad??? That’s right! My oldest daughter, Mary Beth, will be joining me for a day “in my shoes“! She will come to work with me and walk through the various “tasks” that have to be done during a typical day.

It’s going to be AWESOME!

She may not think so…but that is another story. For now, let’s let her enjoy a day of walking in someone else’s shoes! Maybe we all could benefit from that on occasion??

First, let me offer a word of explanation. I blog when I have things interesting and (hopefully) uplifting to write about. Lately, I have not felt the urge or ability to report what is going on in my spirit. Church planting is hard! It is without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever attempted. It’s even harder than having a strong marriage. I covet your prayers and support as my family and I eagerly and joyfully embrace the path God has us on.

I do have something interesting to report…and also something that should keep me blogging a lot more regularly. I committed myself to something the other day in an effort to engage a particular family and get them plugged in at Revolution. I have agreed to compete in a sprint triathlon in August of this year! In case you missed that last part…yes. I am suspending the baseline response I give to everyone that, should they see me running, please stop because that means someone is undoubtedly chasing me with malevolent intentions.

If you see me over the next 7 months, I will no doubt be whipping this almost 37 year old body into the shape required to attempt this challenging feat! So, with that said, I will regularly be updating the blog with my status and thoughts on what will be the most difficult endurance exercise I have ever attempted.

Through this process, I will also be sharing some things that are going on at Revolution as well as insights gleaned from this physical challenge. Thanks for reading and for your patience during this new phase of my family’s life!

This has been one of the best summers I have ever had! There are a couple of things that were unique about it:

First, I was a “stay at home Dad” this summer!  Our oldest daughter is old enough to watch her younger siblings for short time spans, but young enough that the daily responsibility of caring for them is unfair to her and steals her youth. So, we decided that I would become “Daddy Mama“!  I am planning on saying a lot more about that in a subsequent post…probably forever risking my masculinity…but pretty dang funny nonetheless! Stay tuned for that!

Second, this will be a season of life I will remember forever.  This will be eternally etched in my memory and the pages of eternity as the launch of Revolution Church!  I have known for several years what my ultimate purpose and calling from the Lord was.  I have prayed, hoped, planned, fretted, celebrated, and anticipated this day for a LONG time!!!  Now that it is finally here, I am blessed to walk in the plan God has purposed for me.  I hope over the next several months to share some of the pieces of that journey…and who knows…it may serve as an encouragement to some of you to take whatever step in obedience to Jesus you need to take.

My family and I have entered the most difficult phase of our schedule in our nearly 14 years together.  I love this blog as an outlet to share my thoughts and encourage others.  For this season though, I must intentionally keep my wife, my children, Revolution Church, and my job in their proper alignment. This means I will most likely continue on a reduced blogging schedule as long as I am bi-vocational.

When I do post something…it means I definitely have something to say.

Thanks for reading!

Sexual sin, and particularly adultery, have derailed some pretty incredible ministries. I do not believe for a moment that the vast majority of those involved would have consciously chosen their actions over avoiding the consequences in all of the lives that were ultimately impacted. So why did they fail?

I am a simple man – just a fallible and sinful as the next guy.  I believe Sun Tzu (The Art of War) wrote that one of the biggest mistakes in war is underestimating your enemy.  Our enemy “the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

This holds true for all believer, but I believe leaders are particularly prone to attack.

Guard yourselves.

Set boundaries.

Here are mine:

#1 – Honor our date night. – One of the fastest ways for a marriage to fall out of synchronization is neglect. We have found that the most rewarding times for us as a couple are the most difficult times to fit it in the schedule (or the budget). Date nights are for courting. I want my wife to feel as pursued today as she did when we were dating.

#2 – Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex. – This may seem extreme to some, but this is probably the most practical boundary we share. You avoid a host of potentially inappropriate situations when you eliminate even the innocuous ones. This includes counseling sessions as well. You can always include a third party in the discussion.

#3 – Never travel alone. – This may not be practical for everyone. I used to travel alone a lot in my business travels. The mind is a favorite target of the devil. I am susceptible to loneliness and depression when I am alone. A few years ago, Tabitha and I decided that this was a wise boundary to establish for us. I will not take trips where I will spend extended periods of time in isolation.

#4 – Be overly cautious with personal assistants. Spouse has final word. – Many if not most affairs occur with people who work closely together. I am more concerned with my wife being comfortable with a professional relationship than potentially offending someone else. She has the final say in those situations.

#5 – Practice and maintain a healthy biblical sex life. – Sex is not a weapon to be used as punishment or currency to persuade. Biblically speaking, it is a gift intended to be used within the confines of marriage to compliment the intimacy that exists in other areas. If you can’t be intimate about personal feelings, you probably can’t maintain healthy sexual intimacy in the relationship.

#6 – Practice “safe” personal touch. – This is a tricky one for me…mainly because I’m a hugger. I have grown more sensitive to this in recent years. Side hugs and appropriate handshakes can help avoid unintentionally sending a wrong signal.

I hope you have your own boundaries. I would love to hear your thoughts on these, or for you to share your own “personal” boundaries.

From ministry to politics, these instances of unfaithfulness didn’t  happen because somebody woke up one morning and decided it would be a good day to break their wedding vows. Nonetheless, the damage occurred and lives are forever changed, marriages are in jeopardy, and influence is cheapened.

Consequently, Tabitha and I have been talking a lot about the importance of boundaries and accountability. Next week, with her permission, I am going to share the specific boundaries we have established as a couple and the steps of accountability that are in place.

Our boundaries don’t have to be your boundaries…BUT…it is critical that you have your own boundaries and steps to insure accountability.

I would love to hear from some of you on this. What kind of boundaries do you have in your marriage?

Thanks to the incredible generosity of some great friends, I was able to fly down to join my family in an already-in-progress vacation in Ponce Inlet, FL.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, I couldn’t come for the whole week, so it looked like this was going to be one vacation we spent apart.

We always make memories when we’re away like this, but I think these will be especially precious.

Remembrance should always lead to pursuit.

Psalm 44:1

We have heard with our ears, O God;
our fathers have told us
what you did in their days,
in days long ago.

When we look behind us to see great things God did yesterday, it should drive us forward in pursuit of His calling today. Looking back is good…as long as it pushes us ahead.

Pausing to remember great things God did on our behalf yesterday is helpful and should cause us to trust His working on our behalf today.

It should not cause us to get stuck.

When a church, organization, family, or individual believes their best times to be behind rather than ahead – well…that’s when death begins.

I’m looking forward!

February 15 was my 36th birthday and some wonderful people (my parents and in-laws) paid to send me to THR3E! That’s awesome!!!

Basically, this event is the behind the scenes story of the now THR3E year old Elevation Church (Charlotte, NC) and their under 30 Senior Pastor, Steven Furtick (Monks Corner, SC & North Greenville graduate).

I am pumped about getting to go to this “non-conference” conference. You can read more about the purpose behind the conference from Steven Furtick on his blog.

Genesis 18:19 says:

“For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring Abraham what he has promised him.”

God called Abraham to be a leader to his family so that he could become the father of many nations!

I have read over that many times before, but it has never really jumped out at me like this.  God wanted Abraham’s priority to be his family.  It was God’s prerogative and responsibility to make Abraham the father of many nations.

But not before Abraham was the godly leader to his family.

Abraham had to lead his family – so that – God could do what he promised.

Tabitha and I sat the kids down to talk with them together.  They were very close with Nana since she had lived with my Mom and Dad for the past year.  We had been subtly trying to prepare the kids for her death…especially our youngest Gracie, who is 6 years old.

As I began to share that Nana was with Jesus now and that she had a new body that didn’t hurt anymore, Gracie had a remarkable reaction – she began to get excited!!! She started asking questions like “Does that mean her skin is new like mine?” and “Can she eat anything she wants to now?“

She was visualizing Heaven as we talked!  Her eyes grew wide and she was experiencing genuine joy for her Nana!  Gracie was almost envious when I explained that her Nana was able to sit and talk with Jesus face to face.  She said, “So she doesn’t have to pray? She can just talk to him like me and you?“  That led to another good discussion…but that’s a different post.

We should see more things through the eyes of a child.

“So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.“  – Matthew 18:4

You have to watch all the way to the end…

8 years ago when my son Topher was born, we knew absolutely nothing about Down syndrome.  He was two days old when we learned he was affected.  We learned a lot in a short period of time, but our knowledge was superficial at best.  Since he also had a heart condition that would require surgery, we were in what is probably the darkest valley we have walked through (yet).

There are no “right” words to say when someone’s child has a birth defect.  I look back and remember some of those well intentioned comments people made…my favorite was “God only gives special kids to special people“.  They make me laugh today.  They didn’t then.

See, the thing is, we experienced a death that day.  We experienced the death of a dream.  Our expectations of the life our child would have died when he was 2 days old – only we didn’t have the funeral.  I’m not comparing this to the actual loss of a child – but I am telling you that our experience with grief was as close to mourning death as anything I have known.

But God is sovereign…

God is in control…

All things work together for good…right?

If you ask me today…I’ll tell you with unwavering conviction you better believe it!  Today, I am a rock.  That dark valley is in the distance in my rear view mirror.

Eight years ago, I would have struggled to affirm those statements with integrity. Back then, I could only see the moment.  In the past, I lacked the benefit of hindsight.

APPLICATION:

This is not the last valley I will face – and you will face your share of them too.  Here’s my advice: don’t trust the moment in question – trust the moments in history. Trust the times you can look back and see where God’s plan worked out so much better than your plan.

Christopher is eight years old today, and I can tell you with enthusiasm that I would not change his “condition” if they invented a pill you could take for it tomorrow.  Sometimes I see in Topher what might be a closer representation of what it means to be created in the image of God – I often wish I could see the world through his eyes of innocence.  God IS sovereign…He IS in control…all things really DO work together for good!  I have 8 years of proof.  This is now part of my history. It’s integrated with my permanent hindsight.

Here’s something else I learned: sometimes, God may have to kill one dream in order to replace it with a better one!

Happy Birthday Topher!  Thanks God for being Faithful and True.

God confirmed over 3 1/2 years ago that we were going to plant a church (or churches) in a major unchurched city.  We did not know when or where, but we began making preparations at that time to be in a position to “GO” when God said it was time.

We sold our home in Easley and reduced our financial commitments as I left my professional career and devoted myself to full time ministry.  I had spent about 10 years in telecommunications and had a business partnership that was dissolved in April of 2006.  We moved into an apartment in October 2006 and our genuine attitude toward planting the church was “God we are willing to go wherever you send us – but there is NO WAY we are ready!!!”

Early 2007, God led us to Washington Avenue Church.  We made this our church home as we continued to proclaim the gospel and minister through Damascus Road Ministries.  In October 2007, I joined the full time staff at Washington Avenue, where I have served as the Executive & Worship Pastor.

One of my earliest conversations with Chuck Bridges (Senior Pastor at WAC) was about the vision God had given us to plant a culturally relevant church in a heavily unchurched major US city.  That was one of the primary factors that led us to WAC – the Kingdom minded vision of the pastor and the people.  Tabitha and I knew that this was a place that would support us and get behind the vision God had given us…without being territorial or competitive!

This past Sunday, we shared with our church family that God had given us some clarity on this calling to plant a church.  We believe we are being called to Boston, MA to plant a church that will reach people with the life changing message of hope found only in Jesus Christ!

While we do not know the precise timing or the exact launch date yet, we are diligently seeking to identify, assemble, and equip the rest of the TEAM that God is calling to join us in this effort!  Some will partner with us by praying with frequency and fervency.  Some may participate by providing financial support, while others will actually be a part of the team that relocates and invests their lives in the people of Boston.

It could take a year or longer to see everything come together and I will continue to serve on staff at WAC as long as I am able to fill my role and remain a benefit in the ministry of the church.  There will come a point in time (approximately 90 days prior to relocation to the mission field) where the demands of the church plant and the new calling hinder my availability at WAC making it impossible to serve in my current capacity as Worship & Executive Pastor.  Until that time, I intend to faithfully serve God and the people of Washington Avenue Church.

It is with the strongest sense of urgency I ask you to pray for God to clarify some of these details…as well as confirmation for some who are praying about being a part of this plant!

Here are some specific ways you can support us and keep up with all that is going on:

• PRAY
• Follow me on Facebook or join our Facebook Group
• Follow us on Twitter
• Scouting trip to Boston on November 7-10
• Support the plant financially
• Plan or participate in a mission trip to Boston once the church is launched

I will periodically update about the status of the plant here on the blog, but will utilize the Facebook Group as much as possible to keep everyone informed.  Thank you for your prayers in this mission!  My family and I are so excited about this next step of faith in the journey God has called us to!!!

I know it sometimes can be said that I hype things a little bit.  I promise this is IMPORTANT!

I am going to be sharing some big news very soon on the blog. I have to wait until we get past this weekend, but after that, I have some AWESOME stuff to share!

I KNOW…It’s a litle bit lame to throw a teaser like this out there on Friday, but I had to leak a little something.  It has been killing me not to be able to talk about it.

Monday…I promise…OK…maybe Sunday – it depends on how tired I am after church!

I took Monday off to spend with Tabitha and the kids.  It’s something I love to do…I’m just not always good at it.  I didn’t turn the computer on all day!  We didn’t do anything all that special…we just went downtown and had a picnic and walked down the Reedy River a little ways.

We just enjoyed the day together with nothing to distract us.  Just like I love my children and treasure my time with them…God loves his children.  In fact, the Bible says in Luke 11:13 “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!“

If I get excited about an afternoon walk with my kids…how does it thrill my Father when I walk and talk with Him?

Gracie, Chris, Tab, Topher, and Marybeth

I have been MIA for the last 10 days on a totally relaxing vacation with my family.  Sorry about not posting prior to the trip.  We ended up not having any web access.

After this refreshing hiatus, I will be back to regular posting this week.  God has stirred a lot of things in me lately and I can’t wait to share them with you!

It was the last time for me because it was the last time for her. Yesterday she was five…today she is six!

I spent some time with one of my best friends in the world over this past weekend.  He has a new daughter and Tabitha and I must have commented a dozen times or so about how quickly life passes by.  It is truly like a “blink” when I look back.

James wrote that our life is just a mist that appears for a little while and then it’s gone!  I am getting mushy here, but I have been reminded of two very important things that I never want to forget:

1. Soak it up! - Because life is so short and the present becomes tomorrow’s memories way too fast, I want to enjoy every moment I have with my family and treasured friends God has blessed me with in this life.  I am determined to soak in each moment more fully and to appreciate how precious and brief every little experience is.

2. Make it count! – I want my life to matter!  I want to leave a legacy of integrity and honor.  More than anything else, I want to look back on my life and know with confidence that my life counted for the Kingdom.  I want Heaven to be more crowded because my mama gave birth to me.  My greatest fear is not failure – the real tragedy would be to never really try.

Life is short.  Soak it up.  Make it count.