Here’s what we’ve covered so far: (and a link to the whole series of posts)

Post #1 – Speaking truth in love is hard but necessary for spiritual maturity.
Post #2 – Many speak truth but few do it in love.
Post #3 – Speaking truth in love requires direct interface with the person in question – not gossip with others.

Now let’s look at the final piece of the puzzle: What if you are the person about whom truth is being spoken?

How do you handle that?

Wow!  That’s a tough question.  I remember my parents saying on rare occasions “do what I say, not what I do“.  That’s probably good advice here.  No one can honestly say they enjoy criticism.  You think things like: If they only knew what I have to face…you think I’ve got issues, take a look in the mirror buddy!

But, since none of us are perfect, we will probably all face a certain level of criticism at some point. Here are some things to consider:

1. Consider the source – Criticism can come from all sides.  While God can give anyone insight into a particular situation, I very naturally trust the counsel of my close circle of influencers more than the comments of a stranger.  Why?  Because they know me and have more insight into my motives.

2. Get a second opinion – Ask someone else you trust to consider this.  This is not a good exercise for a mom or that friend who would never disagree with you.  I love having people in my life that feel comfortable calling me out!  It’s why I always maintain a relationship with an accountability partner.  Someone who has open access into any area of my life and will be honest with me – even if it’s not what I want to hear.

3. Lay it down – THIS IS HUGE!!!   This is a common place for breakdown.  It’s at this point you have to bare your soul to God and repent first.  David confessed it was against God and God alone he had sinned.  Spiritual reconciliation has to occur before any real or meaningful relational reconciliation between individuals.  Recognition before God that an action, attitude, or behavior is sinful places it consciously under the power of the cross!  That’s where the blood of Jesus can transform a situation and develop the new creation He has made us in Christ!

4. The human factor – Sometimes there may be relationships or situations that need mending.  This cannot be adequately dealt with until the spiritual issue in #3 is taken care of, but it cannot be skipped either.  Sometimes we just have to say “I’m wrong”.  This is also a good time to recognize the one who brought the matter to your attention to begin with.

5. Move forward – There is no way to predict the response of people.  Some will embrace you – others never will.  Some hearts are wired to hope for the best – others just need something to talk about.  There will come a point in time (and it’s different for every situation) where you simply have to accept that you have done all that you can.  You are right with God and you have made every effort to be right with people.  Then you have to move forward.  There is no condemnation in Christ and no time for you to hang your head!

6. Check-ups – It’s probably a good idea to keep a check on your progress in dealing with an attitude or behavior.  Again, it’s critical at this point to have meaningful relationships with people that will hold you accountable.  It’s also a good idea to ask God how you are doing in this area.

This is not exhaustive and there are unique situations…but this is a good outline when you are the one that has to deal with truth being spoken to you.

As we’ve already noted, speaking truth in love is not easy. Most people can’t or won’t do it.  Many people speak truth but forget the love.

Here’s another common pitfall:

Speaking truth in love does not mean sharing with a friend the issues you have with someone when you haven’t confronted the individual you need to…even when it’s cleverly disguised as a prayer request!

That’s NOT speaking truth.

It’s COWARDICE.

That’s NOT confronting in love.

It’s GOSSIP.

…Don’t give in to that temptation.  If you’re the one telling the tale – CUT IT OUT!  If you’re the one listening to someone else – confront them. Tell them not to talk to you about a person when they won’t talk to the person they have the issue with.  They might get hurt…maybe even mad.  That’s OK!

Refuse to give an audience to that kind of trash.

No good will come from it.

This is one of the hardest things to do, but here is something interesting about it. There are a lot of people who can speak truth with no problem. The doing it IN LOVE part…not so much!

It’s one thing to tell me I’m ugly.  We would know you are a liar and the truth is not in you!  Just kidding!

Seriously, let’s say I have an attitude that needs to be confronted.  Or perhaps someone has a certain behavior that may compromise their testimony.  It’s one thing to attack me and tell me my attitude sucks – or to assault the other person with a 10 lb. Bible and raining down a thousand verses of scripture on their heads.

That’s a whole lot different than approaching the individual from a heart of love (as opposed to self-righteousness) and humility (rather than pride, which got the devil kicked out of Heaven) hoping the best for the individual you are confronting.  People attack others and use the pitiful excuse of “speaking truth” when the truth is they do it because it makes them feel superior. That’s just wrong.

The “spiritual” formula is simple:

(TRUTH) – (LOVE) = SPIRITUAL PRIDE & LEGALISM

(TRUTH) + (LOVE) = SPIRITUAL MATURITY & GROWTH

How are you speaking truth?

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”

- Ephesians 4:15

It’s easier to be silent.

You fear the other person’s reaction.  Will this hurt our relationship?  Will we still be friends?

You fear rejection.  What if they point out all my imperfections?

You fear change.  It’s easier to maintain the status quo.

…so a lot of us remain stuck…as spiritual infants in a world that desperately needs believers to put their “big girl” and “big boy” pants on!

What will you do? Will you speak difficult truth into a situation motivated from a heart of love?  Or will you be silent?  I’m betting some of you are truth speakers!