Just chiming in…your little boy is adorable! I hope all is well.

-Rick

Thanks for sharing!

My son, Ian, is nearly four and has Down syndrome. When he was born, I spent the first year or so immersed in the “special needs subculture.” Then I “dropped out.” I believe that disabilities are part of the human condition and too much focus on my son’s own disability does him a disservice.

But not participating in this subculture does have a cost, such as being viewed as not supporting “the Cause” as much as other parents do. If you don’t champion for your child, fight the discrimination, go to Special Olympic events, go on the Buddy Walk, attend the groups, well, it looks bad to family members. Especially if your spouse is deeply involved in those causes. There are many reasons why my eighteen-year marriage is ending, and this reason (differing views on levels of participation in “the Cause) is a painful one. It’s wonderful that you and your wife appear to be on the same wavelength; that’s often not the case. Mom’s are by-and-large at the heart of championing the causes of children with disabilities. Dads, for the most part, just want to play with their kids and enjoy them. I run the risk of generalizing, but the forums for kids with special needs are mostly mothers.

What is our responsibility? Over 90% of kids with Ds never make it into the world because their parents can’t fathom a good life for them and choose to end the pregnancy ; do we have a responsibility to talk about this? Kids with Ds are rare when you compare them to rest of the population. How many kids do you see on the playground that have Ds? If we do have a responsibility, how can we talk about these things without participating in the subculture?

I’m glad for those championing for my son. No more institutions, no more special rooms in special schools, lots of help from others.

I’m struggling to find a balance myself. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Tom

PS My dad just retired as a pastor from John Piper’s church.

We are a long way from our middle/high school days, and we really didnt like each other much way back then, but FB brought us to here and created the connection. I read most of what you post and I admire your inner and outer faith. I am still growing as a person, but I am sure that when the day comes and I am hanging out skateboarding in Heaven, God will be proud of who I am, and how I handled the challenges that lie ahead.

Thanks for letting your faith out, even if it is on FB, because you never know who just might need it and appreciate it.

I stumbled upon your site by pure chance, I thought at first, but now I realize it is from God. I have been separated from my husband for 5 months now. This is the first Christmas I will be without him. I have been in a class at my church called divorce care. Our last session a woman came that has never come before. Her story touched me and the struggles she has had with her husband reminded me of a man that I knew when I was younger that I was engaged to but I broke things off with him. His name happens to be Chris Lewis. Tonight, while I was thinking of this woman I wondered how Chris was but in the back of my mind thinking of how what God has planned for me with my husband and what I should do about my current situation with him, I googled the name anyway. I found your site. I read the things you wrote on the bottom of your blog and it made me realize that God has all along been trying to tell me that he has something bigger planned for me. That this time is needed for me to bring me closer to him. No, I did not find the Chris Lewis from my past that I googled but I did find your site and your blog which gave me hope and a new light that showed me to stop thinking about the past and look towards my future. The future that God is working on. You are very right and that God answers our prayers in his time and not ours. He doesn’t always give us what we pray for and sometimes we fight what God wants for us and go our own path but then to find out that our path wasn’t the right choice. I am realizing this more now than ever. Thank you for your words and your blog. It has touched me.

God Bless you and your family this Christmas.

Stacey